The Marriage Project | Emerson & Emily

Emerson and Emily have been married for almost two and a half years. They are outrageously servant-hearted, kind, and beautifully comfortable and in sync. They are radiantly appreciative of each other, and see their marriage as a undeserved gift from God.

They love to do the same things, share a sense of humor, are both deep thinkers. But they're also a perfect compliment--she's a talker, he's a listener, she's busy-busy, he knows how to help her relax. 

We didn't know it when we first contacted them, but they recently found out that Emily is expecting their first baby (!!!), so we got to take some photos for the announcement-to-family-members. 

their marriage in one word

Blessing.

the best part of being married

Getting to live with your best friend. The oneness you are able to experience as a married couple--it's unlike any other relationship. Being that close and intimate with someone is such a blessing.

definition of love

An act of the will--a choice--to do the best thing for someone, regardless of your fluctuating emotions or how deserving they are. 

favorite memories together

Reading the whole Bible together during their engagement. Honeymoon in Maui, running (3 half marathons!), until she broke her toe while playing Bingo (!?). 

ways they've changed since getting married

They're a more mature team--focused on God and growing in their relationship with him.

He's getting better at reading her, and loving her in the ways she needs to be loved. Praying together has helped him pray more than he ever did before they were married.

She's learning to be more giving and servant-hearted. Giving for the sake of giving, instead for the sake of appreciation or applause. 

she loves

That he loves her in ways that mean the most to her--he intentionally spends time with her, and gives her notes and texts that she gets all cheesy and excited about. 

he loves

That she respects him and values his opinion. She doesn't hang onto his mistakes.

dealing with conflict

Instead of lashing back when you feel like you've been unjustly treated, take it on, and let it go. Or, if you're in the wrong, be willing to ask to forgiveness, depending on the Holy Spirit. 

When communication is getting tough, she asks him to tell her "I love you and it will be okay." She helps him talk things out to resolution, even when it's hard

It's important to remember: he would never intentionally set out to hurt her. Looking at things from this perspective helps keep from overreacting and being hurt instead of just working things out.

staying connected

They keep it alive--spending intentional time together to stay away from the whole "roommates" phenomenon. 

Reading the Bible, doing devotionals, and praying together every day--prioritizing their priorities and staying on the same track. Spending time in the evening talking through things and praying for each other.

 

 

 

 

marriage advice

Learn what marriage really is. A good thing used for the wrong purpose will ruin the good thing. It's not just about happiness (it's a beautiful byproduct!), it's about bringing glory to God and being sanctified. If you don't know what marriage is for, you'll be disillusioned. 

Be students of each other. Ways they receive love, what's most important to them, how they like their coffee.

 

ALWAYS REMEMBER TO

Speak each others' love languages. 

resources

"Marriage By Design" dvd by Voddie Baucham

"This Momentary Marriage" by John Piper

husbands

Don't hang onto things. Always be learning about your wife, and asking her questions--she's not the same person forever. Help her to feel safe and secure.

wives

It's easy to assume you know how he's feeling--an entire tiff can arise from the fact that he's tired, and you assume he's mad/doesn't like you, which makes you go FINE I DON'T NEED YOU, which then results in a very confused husband. Instead of getting offended, try actually asking him.

date nights

"Date-night-in"--eating on the floor, watching a movie, and just getting to hang out together. Going out to coffee or breakfast. Used book store browsing.

practical things to keep God as the center of their marriage

Finding ways to serve together (they teach a children's Sunday School), devotionals everyday, reading the Bible and other books, just talking through things like sermons, books, and articles.

dreams and goals

Children! Prioritizing them and discipling them in the faith.

Serving in the church together in whatever ways God leads them.

The Marriage Project | Josiah & Grace

Josiah and Grace knew they wanted to get married for years before they finally got to their beautiful, happy-as-can-be wedding day last July.

He's Peter's cousin and former roommate, and we've known them pretty much our whole lives. Peter was a groomsman, so it was my first-ever solo wedding, which was terrifying, but they were relaxed, beautiful, and outrageously happy, and it was just an amazing day.

He's really tall, she's really short. They live in an adorable, possibly-tiniest-ever studio apartment with no dishwasher. They're killer at playing Monopoly, make died-and-gone-to-heaven quality breakfasts together, and believe in talking about real things. 

their marriage in one word

Hers: comforting, to her soul.

His: completing.

how he describes her

Spirited. Things lift her up to the sky or destroy her.

HOW SHE DESCRIBES HIM

Steadfast. Hands down. With her, with goals. He knows what he wants, and he keeps at it until he gets it.

WHO IS MORE ROMANTIC?

Sappy? Her.

Everyday, laying-down-life? Him.

WHO DOES THE DISHES?

Him. He gets their tiny, dishwasher-less kitchen ready for her so that when she gets home, she can make that dinner he's so excited about.

WHO IS THE MOST LIKELY TO BE GRUMPY IN THE MORNING?

Her. She's likely to throw things (like tantrums). 

WHO IS BETTER AT KEEPING SECRETS?

Him. And she's so good at finding out secrets (i.e., being snoopy), that he had to make an entire decoy secret for their proposal.

unexpectedly awesome things about marriage

He's funnier than she'd anticipated. He tells jokes that aren't funny, but then trips on the carpet and makes her fall apart laughing.

How easy it is to just hang out. When they were dating, they usually had an agenda--making sure to talk about and do productive things, but now that they're married, they get to just be. 

HE LOVES THAT SHE…

Tries new things. She tends to either LOVE things or HATE them, but she's willing to try things because she loves him. For example: snowboarding. Laying on a mountain wanting to die isn't her lifelong dream, but she tried it because he loves it.

SHE LOVES THAT HE…

Offers to do things out of the blue. He notices what she could be blessed by and just does it. Especially leaving her notes. She'd take a note over roses any day of the week.

favorite things about being married

Hers: Getting to have a partner in everything--not just someone to be with, but someone who has your best interest at heart. They are for you. You can trust them to give you the best counsel, to see the big picture when you can't, and to just go through everything in life with you.

His: Sex.

Not having to be alone anymore.

KEEPING JESUS AT THE CENTER

Reading the Bible together before he goes to work (at 5 in the morning). Nothing is distracting yet, and it starts the day focused on the right things. Praying for each other.

THE HARDEST PART OF MARRIAGE

His: Her having to go through things and him not being able to fix it. (Although foot rubs and kisses help). 

Hers: Getting annoyed at her own sin--not being the perfect wife. Finding out you're more of a sinner than you bargained on is not the funnest. 

THE MOST IMPORTANT THING

Having time to unwind together. Getting to talk about everything and just unload, emotionally. Her unwinding & reconnecting involves more talking, and his involves more… hanging out silently/watching a movie [boys are weird.]

date night tips

Try to have them regularly, even if it's tough with life-craziness. Take turns planning them, and don't think you always have to plan something that your spouse would want--taking turns planning what you want to do helps your spouse learn the kind of stuff you like to do. And then you can take the opportunity to do something you normally wouldn't have thought of--you might love it (or loathe it).

tough things

Their circumstances have been much different than they'd expected before getting married. Grace has had a bunch of weird health problems that started right after they got married, and Josiah's brother's wife was diagnosed with stage four breast cancer right before their wedding. Grace quit her job as a florist so that she could help her with treatment and with their two under-six-year-old kids. 

Their trials haven't been quick ones--they've been tough, long-term ones that they have had to learn to help each other through, and have tested (and strengthened) their faith in each other.

WIVES

Feed him! Seriously. Plates of cookies are love language.

Don't think that for him, bonding is always about talking. DO stuff with him.

She can clean the house or spend time primping for him, or she can make him a huge meal. Huge meal wins every time.

When a guy is down, he might not want to talk a ton about it. He might just want a shower, a hot meal, and you.

HUSBANDS

Encourage your wife to be honest about how she feels & what she wants by responding enthusiastically. It makes her comfortable to ask for things that she needs, and helps her trust you with bigger things later.

COMMUNICATION

His: If your wife isn't talking, find out why. She might be tired & need a foot rub, or she might be sad and need to cry into your chest. Or she might be fighting mad at you.

Hers: She gives herself a certain amount of time to bring something up. If something's bothering her, instead of stewing on it and getting resentful, she has to make herself be honest and talk to him about it. Taking a few minutes helps think of how you want to say it and keep from rude blurting.

marriage advice

Ask advice! Don't think you have to figure it out on your own, and don't just depend on each other. And don't think that asking for help is what you do when you're "on the rocks". It's what you do when life actually has tough stuff in it (surprise!), and when your goal is for your marriage not to get "on the rocks".

Ask specific people to be the ones you go to when you need help. Having people you've agreed on and trust your spouse to talk to about any problem  prevents spreading things to people you wouldn't be comfortable with, but lets you both have the opportunity to get outside wisdom on a situation.

It takes humility to ask for help (overcoming stupid pride is the worst), but life is just not meant to be tackled alone, and there are amazing people who would be glad to offer their wisdom.