The Marriage Project | Josiah & Grace
Josiah and Grace knew they wanted to get married for years before they finally got to their beautiful, happy-as-can-be wedding day last July.
He's Peter's cousin and former roommate, and we've known them pretty much our whole lives. Peter was a groomsman, so it was my first-ever solo wedding, which was terrifying, but they were relaxed, beautiful, and outrageously happy, and it was just an amazing day.
He's really tall, she's really short. They live in an adorable, possibly-tiniest-ever studio apartment with no dishwasher. They're killer at playing Monopoly, make died-and-gone-to-heaven quality breakfasts together, and believe in talking about real things.
their marriage in one word
Hers: comforting, to her soul.
His: completing.
how he describes her
Spirited. Things lift her up to the sky or destroy her.
HOW SHE DESCRIBES HIM
Steadfast. Hands down. With her, with goals. He knows what he wants, and he keeps at it until he gets it.
WHO IS MORE ROMANTIC?
Sappy? Her.
Everyday, laying-down-life? Him.
WHO DOES THE DISHES?
Him. He gets their tiny, dishwasher-less kitchen ready for her so that when she gets home, she can make that dinner he's so excited about.
WHO IS THE MOST LIKELY TO BE GRUMPY IN THE MORNING?
Her. She's likely to throw things (like tantrums).
WHO IS BETTER AT KEEPING SECRETS?
Him. And she's so good at finding out secrets (i.e., being snoopy), that he had to make an entire decoy secret for their proposal.
unexpectedly awesome things about marriage
He's funnier than she'd anticipated. He tells jokes that aren't funny, but then trips on the carpet and makes her fall apart laughing.
How easy it is to just hang out. When they were dating, they usually had an agenda--making sure to talk about and do productive things, but now that they're married, they get to just be.
HE LOVES THAT SHE…
Tries new things. She tends to either LOVE things or HATE them, but she's willing to try things because she loves him. For example: snowboarding. Laying on a mountain wanting to die isn't her lifelong dream, but she tried it because he loves it.
SHE LOVES THAT HE…
Offers to do things out of the blue. He notices what she could be blessed by and just does it. Especially leaving her notes. She'd take a note over roses any day of the week.
favorite things about being married
Hers: Getting to have a partner in everything--not just someone to be with, but someone who has your best interest at heart. They are for you. You can trust them to give you the best counsel, to see the big picture when you can't, and to just go through everything in life with you.
His: Sex.
Not having to be alone anymore.
KEEPING JESUS AT THE CENTER
Reading the Bible together before he goes to work (at 5 in the morning). Nothing is distracting yet, and it starts the day focused on the right things. Praying for each other.
THE HARDEST PART OF MARRIAGE
His: Her having to go through things and him not being able to fix it. (Although foot rubs and kisses help).
Hers: Getting annoyed at her own sin--not being the perfect wife. Finding out you're more of a sinner than you bargained on is not the funnest.
THE MOST IMPORTANT THING
Having time to unwind together. Getting to talk about everything and just unload, emotionally. Her unwinding & reconnecting involves more talking, and his involves more… hanging out silently/watching a movie [boys are weird.]
date night tips
Try to have them regularly, even if it's tough with life-craziness. Take turns planning them, and don't think you always have to plan something that your spouse would want--taking turns planning what you want to do helps your spouse learn the kind of stuff you like to do. And then you can take the opportunity to do something you normally wouldn't have thought of--you might love it (or loathe it).
tough things
Their circumstances have been much different than they'd expected before getting married. Grace has had a bunch of weird health problems that started right after they got married, and Josiah's brother's wife was diagnosed with stage four breast cancer right before their wedding. Grace quit her job as a florist so that she could help her with treatment and with their two under-six-year-old kids.
Their trials haven't been quick ones--they've been tough, long-term ones that they have had to learn to help each other through, and have tested (and strengthened) their faith in each other.
WIVES
Feed him! Seriously. Plates of cookies are love language.
Don't think that for him, bonding is always about talking. DO stuff with him.
She can clean the house or spend time primping for him, or she can make him a huge meal. Huge meal wins every time.
When a guy is down, he might not want to talk a ton about it. He might just want a shower, a hot meal, and you.
HUSBANDS
Encourage your wife to be honest about how she feels & what she wants by responding enthusiastically. It makes her comfortable to ask for things that she needs, and helps her trust you with bigger things later.
COMMUNICATION
His: If your wife isn't talking, find out why. She might be tired & need a foot rub, or she might be sad and need to cry into your chest. Or she might be fighting mad at you.
Hers: She gives herself a certain amount of time to bring something up. If something's bothering her, instead of stewing on it and getting resentful, she has to make herself be honest and talk to him about it. Taking a few minutes helps think of how you want to say it and keep from rude blurting.
marriage advice
Ask advice! Don't think you have to figure it out on your own, and don't just depend on each other. And don't think that asking for help is what you do when you're "on the rocks". It's what you do when life actually has tough stuff in it (surprise!), and when your goal is for your marriage not to get "on the rocks".
Ask specific people to be the ones you go to when you need help. Having people you've agreed on and trust your spouse to talk to about any problem prevents spreading things to people you wouldn't be comfortable with, but lets you both have the opportunity to get outside wisdom on a situation.
It takes humility to ask for help (overcoming stupid pride is the worst), but life is just not meant to be tackled alone, and there are amazing people who would be glad to offer their wisdom.
