The Marriage Project | Chris & Heidi

Chris and Heidi got married two years ago.

Grocery stores are his favorite. He's not good at helping her choose which shirt to wear. He gets obsessed with researching things. 

She's a nurse, and loves animals possibly more than humans. She's cheerful, and impossibly easy-going. 

They're both chill people who just have fun being together. They live in their recently-bought-house only a few blocks from us, with a remodel project and one of the cutest [getting huge] puppies ever.

what she loves about him

He asks her deep questions that challenge her spiritually. He listens when she needs to vent about something.

How outgoing he can be. He makes an effort to meet new people. She's usually uncomfortable at first, but it ends up being an awesome opportunity.

what he loves about her

How happy she is. How much she smiles.

who does the cooking?

Both (kind of). Cooking is tricky, because they both like to be in control. This has been solved by Heidi doing most of the cooking.

new discoveries

She's afraid of heights. She doesn't just love animals: she'd probably rather have a relationship with just animals than people.

He's anal about cooking.

The amount of facial hair that's on the sink.

unexpectedly awesome things about being married

How easy it is. People said the first year is crazy-hard, but they got to their one-year anniversary and said "well, that was awesome!"

favorite date nights

The monster truck show she took him to. Staying home and making popcorn on the stove with coconut oil. Making pizza together (as long as they can agree on how to do it). Movies and wine at home, getting to really talk after only being able to tell each other things in the middle of schedule craziness.

favorite things about being married

He loves getting to come home to her.

Having another person to live life with. A best friend that you can trust completely, and who can help you be accountable.

surprises in marriage

Budgeting--the math doesn't add up. Where does the money go? [The government takes some of it, Taco Bell takes some of it…]

problems

There haven't been many problems between them, since they're pretty easy going and not easily annoyed. Biggest problem: lack of closet space. (As in, no closets in the house they moved into). And their dog likes dirty clothes.

the hardest part of marriage

Choosing what to eat for dinner consistently.

Her making sure he always has yogurt in the fridge.

But for real: probably schedules. She works nights a few times a week, so sometimes it's hard to have downtime together.

things that have strengthened their marriage the most

Church and praying together.

favorite things to do together

Getting to have quiet evenings at home, just hanging out.

Going on walks with their dog, Knox. Exploring. Looking at houses. (He knows every on-sale house in the area, even though they're not actually looking for a house. He and Peter have a lot in common…)

Cooking together (as long as they have their assigned jobs and no one is hangry [the angriness brought on by being hungry]. 

favorite memories

Aforementioned monster truck show. Their wedding. Going to Turkey and Germany.

good books

They read the Hunger Games together, but it didn't influence their marriage. ( I hope).

good communication

Remember that the world doesn't revolve around you.

Listen. Be aware of what the other person needs. 

Talk things out, instead of holding them in.

marriage advice

Listen before talking.

Pray together every day. 

Learn to be selfless--it's not about you. (Their puppy made them realize how tough that is, and how big of a change having kids will be). 

Don't focus on every thing that can or does go wrong. Don't get caught up in things that don't matter.

Instead of seeing a fault and point it out--just don't waste time on things that don't matter.

The Marriage Project | Nathan & Ebby

Nathan & Ebby got engaged in the snow, married in the rain, had 1-year-anniversary photos with spiders, and then braved our sketchy studio for this project.

Marriage looks good on them, and they're one of the most best-friends kind of couple I've ever met. Nathan is the stoic (aka "I have no feelings"), book-reading, organized, sarcastically hilarious type, and Ebby is an effervescent, creative, less-organized hairstylist. They are proficient in movie quotes and weird faces, and just get a kick out of each other.

Looking through their 1-year photos, I literally started crying (I've been an emotional basket case ever since we got married, and anything to do with love/marriage/cat videos destroys me). Seriously though, they're really into each other and it's beautiful (and hilarious) to see. 

their marriage in one word

Home.

definition of love

To him: denying himself, making her needs more important than his. Jesus showed us the ultimate act of love: lowering himself to becoming a human, and then dying for us. As the head of the household, he's responsible for his family. If she's had a bad day, putting aside his bad day and listening to hers. If she's tired, making dinner.

She thinks he nailed it.

ways they've changed since getting married

She's learning to be on time, and to be more tidy (because she knows her mess makes him crazy).

He's learning not to be twenty minutes early to everywhere.

favorite things to do

Reading books out loud together (sometimes in fake southern accents). 

keeping it fresh

He writes her letters (they don't have to be long).

They're intentional about learning and growing together, and reading books about marriage--you don't buy a car and then never fill it with gas again and you don't have kids and then leave them to their own devices. Marriage is meant to be invested in and nurtured.

the biggest surprise about being married

It's not as hard as they thought it'd be.

how they rocked their first year of marriage

The people around them did their jobs to prepare them. Her parents (awesome people) encouraged them toward premarital (actually, pre-engagement) counseling. Their relationship was very down-to-earth, and didn't create false expectations about what marriage would be like. It was a grocery-shopping, sweat-pants wearing, making-dinner-together-at-her-parents-house, no-pressure-to-perform kind of relationship, so they really knew each others' down-to-earth, everyday selves. They didn't expect marriage to be quite like Pinterest would have you believe, and knew that marriage was more about the every day than about a flawless fairytale.

favorite thing about being married

How funny it is (a lot of it is bathroom humor).

hardest thing about being married

Learning to deal with being wronged, and not holding it against each other. Finding out that they're not as great and unselfish as they'd hoped. Hard, and humbling, but so good to have a spouse who is your mirror to show you that you have plenty of growing to do.

marriage advice

His: Marriage, like love, is a choice. It's not a mood, and it's not a consumer relationship--all about them fulfilling your needs. God sure didn't love us as far as we reciprocated and fulfilled his needs. Marriage is about choosing, every day, and saying "I do", every day, not just on your wedding day. It's easy to make it about yourself and start saying "I don't". 

Hers: Without a basis of friendship, things are going to be a lot harder than they need to be. You need to marry someone you're in love with, but, it's actually important that you like the person. Just like being around them. Marriage is more about hanging out than about continuous la passion. 

always

Say "I love you", even if you don't feel like it. Love them in the way they receive love, not in the way it's easiest for you to love them.

never

Go to bed mad at each other. Even if it means turning the light back on and saying "Wake up, here's your gloves. We need to fight this out."

good books

The Meaning of Marriage by Tim Keller

Each for the Other by Bryan Chapell

advice to husbands & wives

He loves that she doesn't embarrass him in public, or make him look stupid. Not because he's not an idiot (he says he is), but because she's choosing to respect him, not just to his face, but to her friends. Behind every great man, is a great woman who believes in him and respects him even when it's kinda undeserved.

She loves that he looks at love as a choice: he's committed to loving her, and it's not dependent on his feelings at any given moment. Girls are just weird and crabby for no reason sometimes (usually it's because she's hungry), so accept your wife for who she is, even when she doesn't make sense. (She might just need to inexplicably cry for awhile). 

Wives need to hear their husbands love, affirmation, and encouragement more than they'd think is reasonable. A woman who is loved and affirmed by her husband can do anything. It's like a good hair day.

what he loves about her

She's hot. 

She's unsquelchable. She is who she is, all the time. 

what she loves about him

He's earnest and irreverent at the same time. He really has "good intentions" and wants to do the right thing, treat people well, and seek God. And he also doesn't take things and people too seriously, and isn't afraid to question things.

He's more of a servant, and just, an even better guy, than she knew before they got married.