The Marriage Project | Benjamin & Rebekah
Benjamin is my (Susannah's) older brother, and Peter first got to know them when they were engaged, while they were all on a mission trip in Poland together.
They got married a little over two years ago, and it was the first wedding Peter shot after moving back from Florida, and I was a bridesmaid and remember laughing enormously at all the crazy things he said to make us laugh.
Anyways, fast forward a couple years--Benjamin and Peter became best friends, Benjamin was instrumental in our relationship, Peter asked him to be his best man the day we got engaged which made me more weepy than anything else, and now they're our bestest "couple-friends". We've learned so much from them, and some of our favorite things are hanging out with them and eating omelets, drinking wine/mimosas, watching guy movies (or Despicable Me 2), and playing games (until all of our overly-competative spirits makes things end in a bloodbath).
Benjamin and Rebekah really love God and people, and have served so much and invested in so many people since they got married. They're the going-to-the-gym-together type, and they make glorious and healthy food. They're both adventurous, but his thirst for extreme adventure knows no bounds.
They're so completely different that they make an awesome team--when they figure out to leverage their (completely opposite) strengths. What's important to him is not at all what's important to her. He values reliability, dependability, keeping commitments, being on time, acts of service, and following the Google calendar. She values compassion, tenderness, flexibility, and spontaneity.
MARRIAGE DESCRIBED IN ONE WORD
impossible? effortless? (bipolar)
NEW THINGS LEARNED
That she CAN get up early in the morning. Before the last few months, she'd only gotten up before him maybe 3 times in their whole marriage.
She's good at rocking out in the kitchen.
He's a badass.
That his dream is to climb Mt. Everest.
His biceps are nice to hold.
Temple run is the key to successful haircuts.
He cuts his obscenely-fast-growing-fingernails once a week.
He loves documentaries.
UNEXPECTEDLY AWESOME THINGS ABOUT MARRIAGE
How comfortable it is to be around each other.
How awesome sex is.
HE LOVES
When she makes him breakfast. Especially bacon and coffee that he can smell as he's waking up.
When she works hard to do things for him that don't come naturally to her--following through, ironing, being on time.
SHE LOVES
That he works so hard--he has an abnormally good work ethic, even though his job isn't his favorite.
That he's so reliable (the most reliable person she knows), and so adventurous (outrageously so).
That he buys her flowers.
HOW HE DESCRIBES HER
Kind, generous (to a frightening degree), funny in a weird way, empathetic. Sometimes just plain nuts--especially after working out (think: hopping around making weird noises/songs). Physically attractive.
HOW SHE DESCRIBES HIM
Super sexy. Reliable, wise, funny, a seemingly tough cookie, but actually very squishy and gooey on the inside.
WHO IS THE MESSIEST?
Her. No question.
WHO KILLS THE SPIDERS?
Both, but he's more scared of them.
WHO IS THE GRUMPIEST IN THE MORNING?
She's the grumpiest in the morning, but he's the grumpiest at most every other time of day.
DREAMS & GOALS TOGETHER
Climb Mt. Hood (they've already climbed Mt. St. Helen's three times, and he's already climbed Mt. Hood, collecting a hearty sun and windburn that included his eyes). Doing the Spartan race this year. A Mediterranean cruise. Adopt or support adoptions. Visiting every continent. (Essentially, going everywhere and experiencing everything). Taking their kids to India.
His dream is to be sitting in a sunny house somewhere like Buenos Aires, maybe, drinking coffee, with no reminders on his phone and nothing on his list, with no feeling of needing to be doing something else.
DATE NIGHTS
They're very fond of pizza and movies.
Some of their favorites were looking at stuff under a microscope and taking a bottle of wine to the Rose Gardens and getting home so late they fell asleep in the hallway.
One of their date ideas (of the twenty-two in his iPhone) is having a night where they pick a certain ethnic food, learn how to make it on Youtube, and turn on the appropriate music.
WAYS THEY'VE BOTH CHANGED
He's become nicer, she's become more disciplined.
They're beginning to reach more of an equilibrium--although, their worst habits rubbed off on each other first (he's less on time now, and she's grumpier).
FAVORITE THINGS ABOUT BEING MARRIED
Being loved in spite of your spouse knowing everything bad about you.
Getting to laugh every day.
Sex.
OBSTACLES THEY'VE HAD TO OVERCOME
He's had to work on his control-freakness.
Gluten.
Learning to be honest, and communicate tough things without tearing each other down.
Her learning how to deal with his lust for adventure.
FAVORITE MEMORIES TOGETHER
Their cruise to Mexico for their honeymoon. (Especially jet skiing).
Their spontaneous roadtrip to San Francisco last summer. It started out as--let's find somewhere a few hours away to camp! and turned into sleeping in their car all the way in San Francisco.
Going on a mission trip to India.
THINGS THAT HAVE STRENGTHENED THEIR MARRIAGE THE MOST
Having weekly dates consistently. Planning things and surprising each other. Coming up with good things to talk about.
MARRIAGE ADVICE
Don't be a jerk.
When stuff goes down, resolve it all the way, even if it means you have to stay in the car for an extra hour.
Never complain about each other to other people.
Don't just say "sorry"--admit that you were wrong.
HIS ADVICE TO WIVES
Understand what's important to your husband and love him in those ways. It's easy to assume that your spouse is the same as you. They aren't, at all. Get to know your husband, not what the books say men are like. He's a person, not a stereotype.
HER ADVICE TO HUSBANDS
Remember that she sometimes does want things fixed, and sometimes she just wants you to be there--clarify which one she's needing at the moment! Ask questions. Tell her she's beautiful and show her she's beautiful. Have input about her appearance.
COMMUNICATION
Don't assign motives. Assume the best.
ALWAYS
Be able to laugh in the middle of a fight.
Pray together and thank God for each other.
Have a lot of sex.
